I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
