She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize