i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
