May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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