She's JV to your varsity
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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