Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
