that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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