weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
