I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
