i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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