We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
