this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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