Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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