So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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