I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
