he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
