I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
