A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize