She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
