Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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