guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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