You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
