There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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