i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
