I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
