I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
