that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
