you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
