I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
