I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
