That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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