Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
