My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
