I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
