My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
