i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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