ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
