just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
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