You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
