idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
