While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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