She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
