TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
that is very illegal...i love you.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
