jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize