Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
