Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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