i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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