either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
