Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Randomize
