You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
