bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
