Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
