Already got asked if we're dating
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
