did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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