ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
