call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
