I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
