I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
