Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
