If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Don't make out with my wife yet
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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