my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
