I just cut my nipple shaving
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
