She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
