She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
