my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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