that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
