I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize