Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
